She’s the girl that every guy at the station wants to hook up with, whether they admit it or not. Along with a smile that lights up a room, she’s smart, funny; well shaped in all the right places, dirty minded, and a HELL of a good jock. In some ways, I think of her as my “work wife.” We share stories, listen to each other vent, and try to help each other deal with the incredibly stupid things that stupid people do from day to day. But along with the good, there is always a bad. Suellen Richards is also crazy, and somewhat paranoid.
She doesn’t date a lot, but when she gets involved with someone, they are the center of her world. When things are going right, all is good and right with the world…and when things aren’t doing so well, you think it’s the end of the world. Suellen is between relationships right now, and for the past week or so, she’s been cruising right along with the every day ebb and flow of the broadcast business with no problem.
Today is different though. There is a noticeable difference the minute she walks through the door. Her eyes are all bugged out, her hair is shoved up under a cap and she’s not wearing makeup – a big no no in Suellen’s world. She quickly walks quickly to her desk, arranges her things, and then slips into the studio during my air shift. “Jim, things are all messed up around here, and I know, I just KNOW that I’m getting fired today” she says in her soft yet scared out her mind voice. “I wanted to come in and tell you before anyone else did” says Suellen, hugging me tightly. “Now, what on earth makes you think that?” I ask. “Today’s my air-check with the consultant” says Suellen, nearly sobbing now. “Not only don’t I get a straight answer on what he wants from me, but I KNOW he hates me!”
Like I’ve said before, this girl is a radio pro, and paranoid as hell. She’s the kind of jock that you listen to, and you want to be a better jock yourself, just because of her presentation and skill. In truth, the consultant loves Suellen, and considers her one of the top performers in her format. If anyone has ANYTHING to worry about, it’s not her.
Several hours go by, and after I get off the air, I stop by Todd Sylvester’s office for our afternoon chat, and to get the PD’s take on the situation. “She won’t even talk to me!” says Todd. “I don’t know how I can make these things any easier on her, but I’ve GOT to do something to make them easier for me! My nerves are shot! No matter what I say, or what I do, Suellen INSISTS she’s being fired.”
“Well Todd, I’ve got an idea that might work.” I say to him with a grin. “Anything, ANYTHING, just tell me what will work, Jim,” says Todd, nearly begging for help. I can’t help it, grin even more, then, I start to laugh. “Well Todd, when you copy memo’s to the staff…make sure all of hers are on pink paper!”
Todd STILL hasn’t let me back into his office.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
The Bug Zapper
Chuckles come from a small crowd of co-workers, who are standing outside the traffic girl’s office one Thursday afternoon. They’re watching bemusedly as the tall man inside the doorway, wearing a silk suit and sporting a crew-cut, swings wildly at a ginormous horsefly with a small battery powered tennis racket bug zapper. More laughs. “Son of a bitch!” he hisses. “Missed the damned thing again! I’m waiting right here for as LONG as it takes to fry your little ass so let’s just fucking get it done and over with...NOW!” Laughter erupts as he swings again, missing the horsefly by a good arms length. Now, while you’re supposed to “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,” it’s hard to ignore the one swinging the bug zapper. Meet General Manager Dick Thompson.
As you know, every radio station takes its particular flavor from the collective character of those who work there. After all, Gelatin doesn’t have flavor either, until it’s added. Well, Dick Thompson is a “Character among Characters” and he adds PLENTY of “flavor.” A long serving GM whose been around the block more than a few times, Dick believes in a simple golden-rule philosophy: “There’s the right way, the wrong way, the company way, and MY way. Do things my way, you won’t piss me off, and we’ll get along JUST fine.”
Even more brain bending is his “Jekyll & Hyde” personality. On one hand, Dick is a man of extreme kindness and compassion, with an open door to all staff, and a good word for everyone. Most of the time, he appreciates hard work and honesty, problem solving ability, and being a team player. Hell, he even puts up those silly “motivation pictures” throughout the building. But on a bad day, he appears to straddle the line of sanity. He’s “that asshole” that suddenly has to micromanage everything and everyone. Sometimes, he calls you into his office for an un-ceremonious dressing down or even worse; he roams freely around the halls, looking for something or someone to scream at. When he finds his prey, look out! The poor bastard that gets caught at the wrong place at the wrong time…we all feel sorry for them. If there’s an audience around, even better in Dick’s eyes! He will scream even louder, just to make the scene complete.
Five minutes have passed. “Son of a Bitch! I’ll get you yet, damned thing!” explodes Dick, after another futile series of swats…and the pesky horsefly is still winning.
As you know, every radio station takes its particular flavor from the collective character of those who work there. After all, Gelatin doesn’t have flavor either, until it’s added. Well, Dick Thompson is a “Character among Characters” and he adds PLENTY of “flavor.” A long serving GM whose been around the block more than a few times, Dick believes in a simple golden-rule philosophy: “There’s the right way, the wrong way, the company way, and MY way. Do things my way, you won’t piss me off, and we’ll get along JUST fine.”
Even more brain bending is his “Jekyll & Hyde” personality. On one hand, Dick is a man of extreme kindness and compassion, with an open door to all staff, and a good word for everyone. Most of the time, he appreciates hard work and honesty, problem solving ability, and being a team player. Hell, he even puts up those silly “motivation pictures” throughout the building. But on a bad day, he appears to straddle the line of sanity. He’s “that asshole” that suddenly has to micromanage everything and everyone. Sometimes, he calls you into his office for an un-ceremonious dressing down or even worse; he roams freely around the halls, looking for something or someone to scream at. When he finds his prey, look out! The poor bastard that gets caught at the wrong place at the wrong time…we all feel sorry for them. If there’s an audience around, even better in Dick’s eyes! He will scream even louder, just to make the scene complete.
Five minutes have passed. “Son of a Bitch! I’ll get you yet, damned thing!” explodes Dick, after another futile series of swats…and the pesky horsefly is still winning.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Your ON-AIR Product is the MOST IMPORTANT Part of Your Job”
Think back with me to those “golden days” of radio, the days when you had just gotten into the business. Some of you have been here for just a few short months or years, while others, have been in it for decades. Time, makes no difference though because the excitement, the passion, the fire, the smell of the warm vinyl (ok, so I just dated myself here)…whether you’re a newbie or a seasoned hand, everyone in our line of work remembers “that spark” that got them here in the first place.
Most of us were lucky to fall under the guidance of some salty old sage – a guy whom you would swear not only knew Marconi, but probably slapped his ass and changed his first diaper. A chain-smoking, grizzled veteran of the broadcast wars, your “Zen master” had stories that went on for days and that continually made you laugh until your sides hurt. He was not just part of the business, he WAS what broadcasting was all about. Not only was he full of great stories, he also had the best fatherly advice on earth.
One piece of advice stood out among all others: “Remember Jim, no matter what they say, your ON-AIR product is the most important part of your job.” * Laughs * No, you didn’t dream it; someone ACTUALLY did say it to you! Broadcasters continually change and evolve – our one constant IS change. Yes, I miss the cart towers, and the records, I miss the prestige that goes along with being an air-personality, but most of all, I miss being able to concentrate on my air-shift. No, you’re not the only one being asked to take on more responsibility on a short-staffed radio station. No longer is it cool do hit production, do your four then hit the door. Today’s broadcaster must know how to maintain a website, grow a listener club, be a master at marketing and public relations, write promotions, deal with sales, maneuver the waters of the adminisphere, make sure the station vehicle is in running order, clean the break room, replace light bulbs…and oh yeah, when you have a moment, remember to do that air-shift thing.
No, it’s not like it used to be, and it never will be again. You’re not in this alone believe me.
Oh, and just so you see that it’s NOT a figment of your imagination, I still believe that no matter what responsibilities you have, “Your ON-AIR product is the most important part of your job.”
Most of us were lucky to fall under the guidance of some salty old sage – a guy whom you would swear not only knew Marconi, but probably slapped his ass and changed his first diaper. A chain-smoking, grizzled veteran of the broadcast wars, your “Zen master” had stories that went on for days and that continually made you laugh until your sides hurt. He was not just part of the business, he WAS what broadcasting was all about. Not only was he full of great stories, he also had the best fatherly advice on earth.
One piece of advice stood out among all others: “Remember Jim, no matter what they say, your ON-AIR product is the most important part of your job.” * Laughs * No, you didn’t dream it; someone ACTUALLY did say it to you! Broadcasters continually change and evolve – our one constant IS change. Yes, I miss the cart towers, and the records, I miss the prestige that goes along with being an air-personality, but most of all, I miss being able to concentrate on my air-shift. No, you’re not the only one being asked to take on more responsibility on a short-staffed radio station. No longer is it cool do hit production, do your four then hit the door. Today’s broadcaster must know how to maintain a website, grow a listener club, be a master at marketing and public relations, write promotions, deal with sales, maneuver the waters of the adminisphere, make sure the station vehicle is in running order, clean the break room, replace light bulbs…and oh yeah, when you have a moment, remember to do that air-shift thing.
No, it’s not like it used to be, and it never will be again. You’re not in this alone believe me.
Oh, and just so you see that it’s NOT a figment of your imagination, I still believe that no matter what responsibilities you have, “Your ON-AIR product is the most important part of your job.”
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