The Great Oz or Things I Know Now That No One Told Me

I have been in this business since dirt and things have changed SO much - some good, a lot bad. Usually you have a "wise aunt or uncle" that you bond with who will show you the ropes and help you avoid the pitfalls. But, what if no such person presents themself? Well, "Uncle Jim" has put together a list of things learned that are more true than not throughoug a near 2 decade career in radio. Comments and additions are welcome, and I think this list will serve everyone from newbie to seasoned vet:

BROADWAY'S LIST OF RADIO REALITIES

1. There will always be better paying jobs. The guy in the drive-thru makes more than you will.
2. People who are lazy and miss a lot of work are usually in management.
3. Sales Managers more often than not, hire by their zipper.
4. Negotiate your salary up front - if you ever get a raise, it will be an accounting error.
5. Yes, the GM can look at porn. No, you may not, unless you are in his office.
6. When your boss says you are the next to be promoted, that is generally a lie.
7. Station vehicles are often used for moving.
8. Embrace today's buzz words. There will be more tomorrow.
9. She might be stupid, but she has boobs and a vagina - that excuses a lot.
10. Almost all of the on air staff have had sex in the studio. Repeatedly.
11. Voice tracking a part of your shift or another shift is just part of the business. Deal with it.
12. Sales people will tell you one thing and do something else. They lie to everyone, that's what makes them successful.
13. Do not go to work when you are sick. It will spread like wildfire to everyone.
14. Women will do almost anything for concert tickets or even a t-shirt.
15. Drinking after the Christmas parade is expected.
16. Small towns are the most friendly.
17. Real radio is in the small town markets, look for a place that is not rated and that's where to apply.
18. Ratings are the devil. The system is antiquated and sales should sell by personal relationships and not numbers.
19. You will get fired.
20. The hotter she sounds on the phone, the uglier she is in person.

Some will see this list as highly offensive. It is not meant to be. It is meant to be a guide to common sense in an industry that has portions that no longer remember what common sense is. To be able to entertain, to touch the soul of another person just through your words or actions, is priceless and it is a true talent. The rest, is just what you have to deal with outside the studio door.

Radio is Broken and No One Is Fixing It

By now, you must think that I am somewhat jaded toward the profession I am in and yes, to a point I guess I am. What frustrates me is the fact that being IN RADIO used to be so damned fun! Crazy contests, even crazier listeners, the stories, and above all else the people behind the microphone made being in radio this amazing little society within society itself. Here you is where you lived, breathed, and worked just for those few precious hours a day when it was your turn to go out and entertain.

It is sad, but life behind the walls of your favorite radio station isn't what it used to be. In fact, it's a mess and we are to blame for it. When was the last time you actually heard someone say their goal was to work in radio? Oh, it still happens, but not nearly as much as it used to. Once upon a time you would have people from all walks of life wanting to be a DJ. Program Directors desks were covered with T&R's (tapes and resumes for those who are from the strictly digital age) and finding a part timer was like looking for some sand on a beach! Now, it's a literal ghost town. We are suffering from *GASP* being "un-cool!"

Lack of good talent is another severe problem yet we do nothing about it. When it's time to tighten those budgets, the first places stripped of live humans are part timers and the Overnight position. This does a real disservice to us. We need those part time hours not only to give the full time staff a break, but it's also to train the new generation of radio people. Can they walk the walk? Can they talk into a microphone? Are they teachable? No part time staff is essentially cutting your nose of to spite your face. Sames goes for the Overnight positions. So many of our great radio legends got "found" while doing their thing in the wee hours of the night / morning. That was the starting ground for a full time career. Now, it's cheaper to have it voice tracked by one of the other full time staff members. Ironically, said full timer won't put in as much work to their voice tracked shift because it is not their "regular show" and is nothing more to most than a pain in the ass requirement of their job.

One other important topic to note is that the majority of General Managers these days come from the Sales side. Therefore, they favor sales over the programming side and it leaves a HUGE rift in the company. Trust me, I love what the sales department does. If they didn't get out and hustle the product, none of us would be in this business. But, you've got to have a product that is not just sell-able, but one that is STELLAR to beat down the mobile phones, and MP3 players of the world. Don't piss on my foot and tell me it's raining. Programming is just as important as sales and the sooner the message of equality is carried out, the better off everyone will be.

Lastly, every damned consultant needs to be fired. They are "of the devil" and with the money paid to them, you could easily afford some part timers! Consultants have never lived where you are, yet, they will tell you during their 2 to 3 day visit to your market that they know in their divine wisdom that what worked for them in New York City will be the next rage in Biloxi, Mississippi.

That is the biggest load of bullshit ever.

Even if you should find a fantastic consultant ask yourself this...whose phone call is more important to them, yours or the guy in San Francisco? I believe every radio station has a consultant already and they are called Program Directors. Let them direct, coach, and lead the radio station. If they do well, keep them. If they don't, fire them. But above all, give them a chance to prove they were a good hire for the job.

With just these few tweaks, you will have made a massive difference in taking radio back to where it should be!